“If everybody just cared about and supported others then everyone would be happy. Nobody would go without because we’d all be looking out for each other. At the moment, most people look out for themselves and look at us… we’re all lonely, desperate, sad…Take marriage for example…If each (husband and wife) were looking out for each other’s needs and requirements there’d be no reason left for selfishness of self preservation as each persons rights are being cared for and protected by the other .” Quoted from Imam Afroz Ali
My husband is my best friend.
Even after 5 and a half years of marriage, I still can’t wait for him to get home. And no it’s not just because the kids have pushed me to breaking point and I need him to come home and take them from me…
When he does stroll through the door and I see that broad smile and sheer joy on his face when our (almost) three year old goes running to greet him, it lifts the heaviness and anxiety of the day from my heart just enough to stretch my face into a smile, too.
When he comes home, he always, without fail, envelopes me in a hug, and that hug says it all.
You’ve had a tough day with two demanding children under the age of three.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be around to help.
I’m here now.
It’s not all about the kids I promise.
It’s the fact that he can make me laugh hysterically even when I don’t feel remotely in the mood for jokes. Jokes that probably would not be as funny to someone else. But that’s ok. We get it. And when we’re at some sort of function, utterly bored out of our brains, he will mutter jokes and hilarious observations under his breath to me and have me giggling away…
It’s when I’ve been home all day with the kids and the whole house has been turned upside down and I couldn’t seem to make any progress with the cleaning despite being at it all day because I have an almost three year old who leaves a trail of toys everywhere she goes, and I wake up the next morning and it’s all been taken care of. It actually makes me cry. For real.
It’s being surrounded by people, catching each other’s eyes and knowing exactly what the other is thinking.
After I tell him about an article I read about the additives, chemicals that I can’t pronounce, artificial flavourings, GM ingredients, harsh extraction methods, misleading packaging in EVERYTHING that we eat, or the horrible stories of murder, rape, war, hate and hate and hate and my heart feels so heavy with the state of this world that I feel like crawling into a hole and waiting it all out… He reminds me of the good and beauty that still exists in this world or that ultimately, the justice and love and mercy of Allah (swt) is inevitable.
When I’m at my lowest point of utter desperation and exhaustion, only he has the right words to uplift me. To reassure me. To push me to try harder, to expect more from myself.
Throughout our marriage we’ve faced challenges together and between each other. We’ve gone through the inevitable troughs of boredom, miscommunication, conflicting ideals, two children (which means two difficult pregnancies, labour and post natal depression), financial difficulties, and a complete overhaul of the direction we were taking in our lives. But I know that these challenges have made us only understand each other better so that the love we have for each other is truer, more nuanced and certainly, deeper.
He’s the one who cares for me. He’s the one who looks out for me. I know he’s always thinking about me, and our daughters…
I don’t feel like I’m going without.
I’m happy from the very crevices of my soul.
Because I have my best friend.
My husband and I on our wedding day. Our faces are cut off because I didn’t wear a headscarf then.
*Please don’t use image without permission.